No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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