Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize