I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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