she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize