Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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