make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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