this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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