Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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