no, he came in my armpit
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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