we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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