Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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