He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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