I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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