my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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