He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize