you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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