I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Text me some of your sweat
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