You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize