hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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