This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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