I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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