Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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