also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize