i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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