Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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