he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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