Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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