She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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