I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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