I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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