so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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