life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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