yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize