White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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