Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize