; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize