the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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