Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize