R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize