saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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