i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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