Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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