He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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