Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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