There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize