I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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