is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize