Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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