i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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