she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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